i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize