I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
