i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
