Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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