fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
