don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
