in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
50% drunk capacity currently
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize