I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize