I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize