Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
birth control should be required to get into college
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You may now shotgun with the bride
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
