Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
