just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
