I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
