I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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