I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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