unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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