I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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