And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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