so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
