I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
