I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
