a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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