Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I look better un-naked...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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