Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dignity is for republicans.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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