omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
