Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
