Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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