am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
