I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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