Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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