is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it because I queefed?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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