nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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