maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My breasts were aching with rage.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
