Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
