my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize