Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
