dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
