cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
