he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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