I just threw up on my dentist
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
