Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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