i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
