making cat noises will not fix the situation.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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