Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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