Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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