Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
