HIV tests are more positive than that guy
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
