so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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