It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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