To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
