I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
