Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
