WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
