Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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