to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
