yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
