is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Another day, another engagement, another cat
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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