my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize