I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
