Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
