Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
