What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
