It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
