I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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