I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
