Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
