Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
