just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
