I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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