Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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