they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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