HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize