It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize