Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize