worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My liver is preforming stress tests.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
