i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
