I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
