Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I need to stop coming to work sober
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
this hospital has no fireball
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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