she was so not down for the gang bang
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
