i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
